Marriage

I don't think we're ready for it yet.
Coz we r still studying,
And I don't think you're ready to settle down.
You enjoy being out with friends,
But when you have a family
It's harder for you to hang out anymore.
And we don't have proper income yet.
I am also struggle with it,
Often I tell myself,
"Can I really life that way"
And imagine everyday I waited for you to come home from work.
Even now,
When we really rarely talked.
I even think to myself,
"Did I really have a BF?"
And started to think through my wild imaginations.
What if when I got back you don't love me anymore?
What if u have someone you truly loved and that's not me?
What if I found you with another girl...
I know that I should trust you 
But
I really can't help myself to think of those things when I cannot reach you.
And we rarely rarely talked...
It's different from b4.
We webcam-ed so often,
 It makes my heart more settle.
Although I will still think about those things that I could imagine in my little brain~ 
=P
I really wanted to grab ur attention,
But how hard I tried,
You just didn't seems to be attracted by me..
You told me 
"sorry I neglected you"
There's this one second of happiness that you know I needed ur attention.
But
After that,
Everything became the same again...
I don't want your sorry,
It only brings more pain to me as a was hoping for something and it didn't happen.
Over and over again.
I guess I was just too bored at home...
Alone...
Sometimes I really wished that I could just fall asleep and never wake up again...
This is just too hard for me.