Saturday 5th Feb 2011

Waking up, couldn’t open my eyes…


Cried whole night.


Starting to feel that I am really useless.


Crying in front of someone else.


Recently, will look at our pictures and those sweet little messages you sent me last year.


My eyes will started to get wet, I couldn’t control it.


I hate myself of being a cry baby.


Saw those messages…


“Baby I want to treasure every second that I have with you. Baby I want to hug you with every second that I have. Baby, I want to marry you, as soon as I can.” 25th Jan 2010


“Baby!!! Finish the speech edi. I miss you so much~ Baby, I now going fishing with jason. Wearing our couple shirt at cameron. Later got fish tio then I post on fb. =)” 29th Jan 2010.


“Baby, I guess u go sleep 1st. U always wait for me until 1-2o’clock. I don’t wan u to suffer because of me. U go sleep 1st bah. Baby nite nite ^^ muackz!! I luv u~” 1st Feb 2010.


“Baby, I’m feelin lonely. There’s no 1 to pick up my call. I guess u r sleeping, but I really afraid tat u might went out wit other guys. Baby, pls don leave me alone.” 3rd Feb 2010.


“Baby, wad u doing? I miss u so badly~ Baby, I miss u. Today got one farewell party for eileen tan. secondary sch mate. I help buy stuff for the party now. Later in the evening still got reunion dinner with win win them. But still, I miss u so badly~~ Baby, faster get broadband. I miss u. Baby, I luv u. My love~” 6th Fed 2010.


"Baby~ I miss u so badly. It would be so nice for u to stay besides me. I can hug u everyday. Baby, can u be at my side now? Although I noe this cant probably happen.” 7th Feb 2010.


Cried and cried and cried looking at those messages in my lonely nights while waiting for you to call or message me.


But no, I am just alone here…


Crying to sleep.


Went to my friend’s house for steamboat dinner.


The weather today is very cold.


This made me miss you even more.


And I really hate that,


Kept telling myself “he’s not gonna message you ‘how’s ur day?’ , ‘I miss you’ , ‘I love you’ anymore!! he has already changed. so I must also change!! Dun live in those fantasy anymore!!!”


But I really couldn’t help myself of looking at those messages and cry….


I am so useless… useless… useless!!!


I hate myself!!! =’(