If you have fibromyalgia, one of the first things to suffer may be your sex life. After all, it’s hard to feel sexy when you’re tired and in pain.
And drugs that help manage the condition – including antidepressants and painkillers – can further dampen sex drive by affecting the production of brain chemicals that influence libido.
“Your brain is the biggest, strongest, most sensitive sex organ,” says Randy A. Fink, M.D., medical director of the Miami Center of Excellence for Obstetrics and Gynecology. “When it’s focused on pain, it can’t handle the task of igniting desire.”
Even if you want sex, fibromyalgia can sensitize nerves so much that even a graze of skin produces pain rather than pleasure.
“Women often find they’re in the mood mentally, and may even feel aroused,” Fink says. “But since the slightest touch can be painful, their body says ‘not tonight.'"
Meanwhile, that lack of sex can isolate you and your partner.
“Not being able to enjoy normal, healthy physical exchanges can be demoralizing,” says Sylvia Gearing, Ph.D., a psychologist in Plano, Texas.
Luckily, there are ways to keep the fire burning. Try these expert tips to stop fibromyalgia from stealing your love life.
1. Share fantasies.
“Sex is a very important part of a healthy adult relationship. But intercourse isn’t the only way to be intimate,” Gearing notes.Even when you’re not ready to get together physically, there are other ways to build a connection.Watch a romantic movie, read a racy book together, or share sexy fantasies. Talk about your sex life and the things you both enjoy.
Or try soaking in a hot tub or giving each other massages.
“There are emotional benefits to fantasizing and exercising the sensual part of the imagination,” Fink says.
2. Get comfortable.
If you can make love, experiment with different sexual positions that minimize pain. Talk to your partner about the most sensitive or sore places on your body, and discuss new moves – or modifications of your favorites – that don’t put pressure on those spots.“Placing pillows under a sore hip or arm while trying out different positions can help significantly,” Fink suggests.
3. Speak your mind.
When you talk to your partner about your sexual relationship, be honest and direct.Open the conversation with, “I know I’ve been dealing with pain, and I want to talk about ways we can still feel close to each other,” suggests clinical psychologist Sheela Raja, Ph.D., an assistant professor at the University of Illinois at Chicago.Emphasize that “what’s holding you back is fibromyalgia, not your feelings about him or your sex life,” Raja says.
If your partner is reluctant to talk about it, tell him that your purpose is to have more sex, better sex and deeper erotic bonds between you. Ask him to join you in solving the problem.
“No one wins if you try to hide your pain or symptoms,” Gearing says. “And it’s something your partner wouldn’t want either.”
But don’t pick bedtime to discuss this touchy subject. In fact, it’s best to have the “sex talk” outside of an intimate situation, Raja says.
“Wait for a quiet time when kids, work or buzzing cell phones won’t compete for attention,” she suggests.
Try scheduling a date to discuss the problem, either at home or someplace where it’s easy to talk, at a time when you’re relatively pain-free.
In fact, just starting a dialogue about how your health affects your sex drive may boost desire.
“It can feel freeing to share concerns, frustrations and fears,” Raja says.
Starting a new relationship? Before getting intimate, ask your new partner how much he knows about fibromyalgia, Raja suggests. That could open the door to conversation.
4. Take care of your symptoms.
You don’t have to tolerate pain that prevents sex.“Relaxation methods can calm pain, or reduce it enough so you can be intimate,” Fink says.
Experiment with techniques such as yoga, meditation and guided imagery to relieve sensitivity, as well as the anxiety that often accompanies fibromyalgia, he suggests.
A 2010 study at Oregon Health & Science University found that yoga significantly reduced pain, fatigue and depression in women with serious fibromyalgia symptoms.
Gentle aerobic exercise (such as swimming or brisk walking) can also help boost energy for sex, notes Lifescript women’s-health expert Janet Horn, M.D., co-author of The Smart Woman’s Guide to Midlife and Beyond (New Harbinger). Work up to 30 minutes a day, or as much as you can handle.
Some women find that certain foods and additives also spark flare-ups that make sex uncomfortable, Horn says.
Try eliminating monosodium glutamate (MSG) and nitrates (the preservatives in hot dogs and luncheon meats), aspartame (NutraSweet), caffeinated drinks and sugar.
5. Make the best of the situation.
Once your heart, head and body are in the mood, try Gearing’s strategies to help remain engaged in sexual activities:Focus on pleasure rather than frequency. You don’t have to be a sexual Olympian to have a great time in bed. Even if you don’t have sex as often as you used to – or for as long as you used to – it can be just as amazing.
Stay in touch with your body. Keep track of times when you feel great. It might be first thing in the morning, after a relaxing bath, or an hour or so after you take a pain reliever or other medication. Those are the best moments to enjoy intimacy.
Think of it as therapy. Remind yourself that sex is nurturing for you and your partner. And it boosts endorphins, your body’s own natural painkillers. The more you have, the better.
Stay positive. Don’t beat yourself up because sex isn’t what it used to be. It’s hard to create physical pleasure when you’re in a negative mood.
Instead, concentrate on the fact that you’re still interested in sex – and that it’s still possible for you to have a great love life.
No comments:
Post a Comment